What’s the most ridiculous wine tasting note?

I offer this one, excerpted from Terry Theise’s “Reading between the Wines” which makes me think of this scene in Sideways:


“This dramatic wine has the burnish of torched sienna, that hint of Tuscan chicken, perhaps even pullets, that gamey, feathery aroma; a dishy first impression of guppies spawning & bracken roasting in the Castilian sun, & the high wind blowing from offshore when a garbage scow has recently run aground, not exactly fresh passion fruit, but passion fruit after it has been chewed by a horse that’s just run through a heathery dale, you know, sort of sopping wet fetlocks & old dogs; & the finish, oh, just a portrait of nasturtium, or shuttlecocks dipped in quince jelly, or the stench on a fox’s muzzle after he’s eaten a number of small rodents or the ice caked in a refrigerator in a Paris apartment, or like new sandals, especially if the feet in them have been soaked in a bromide solution – & revisiting the nose is all rotty mulch sluicing out of a bilge pipe in a fetid stream of sweetly blooming hawthorn in a flighty perfume of freshly starched uniforms of a flight attendant in the first-class cabin in a manly swill of gassy medicinal opaline mordant porcine gratuitous acetate begonia-laden air freshener or like the fannings from a fire of souchong tea or….”

Even after all that, I don’t know if the reviewer likes that wine or not!

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